I feel like crap all the time, and I’m running out of curt answers.

I don’t want to lie and say I’m good just because that’s what’s expected of me, but I don’t want to invite discussion into why I feel poorly.

My go-to response is “Living the dream,” because if this life is a dream I hope to wake up soon. Plus not only is it considered an acceptable answer, it can be played off as a joke.

If anyone needs extra context, being asked “how are you” is an extended part of the greeting here. The asker is really just saying hello still, and although some kind of answer is expected, they aren’t actually curious about your welfare. A genuine response throws people off balance, and is probably unwarranted. Think of coworkers, service workers, or even total strangers being asked this dozens of times a day.

  • Luc@lemmy.world
    2·
    2 days ago

    “I’m not sure”

    It’s rarely all bad. Then that would be simply the answer. The problem is that it’s often complicated (not the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, for those who get that reference) and idk how to summarise that into a single feeling so I literally don’t know what the answer is and so that’s when you get an idk from me

    If it’s just a pleasantry by some english person (in my language this isn’t a standard question a stranger or customer support will ask you) then I’ll probably pick a random euphemism

    From Germans I’ve learned that they say “muss”, meaning must. Like, you must get on with life but not because you seek out what you’re going through but because life doesn’t stop. At least that’s my working understanding of this deceptively simple word

  • Vanth@reddthat.comEnglish
    40·
    4 days ago

    Sometimes I ignore the question and just move on in conversation. Most people don’t even notice because they’re asking out of habit, not to actually ask you how you’re doing.

    • Mac@mander.xyzEnglish
      6·
      4 days ago

      I do this sometimes. I’ve had people ask again where i tell them that I’ll get there after i fonish my story, but then obviously never go there. lol

    • HuudaHarkiten@piefed.socialEnglish
      4·
      4 days ago

      This is what I do. Either ignore it or just say “yes” and move on to the main topic of the day.

      I used to answer somewhat truthfully, but I dunno, answering “horrible, I want to kill myself” every time tends to bring people down and sort of ruins the mood. So its just easier to skip the question. And like you said, nobody notices, they don’t really care. So why should I bother answering when its of no use. People who really want to know usually ask again and almost demand an answer, if you do ignore them.

  • MissJinx@lemmy.world
    5·
    3 days ago

    just say “Life, ya know” If they are only being polite they’ll answer “for sure” and thats it.
    If they really care and want to know theyll ask more and then you can go into more detail.

    Brought to you by “protocols autistic people have to memorize” lol that being me

  • HuudaHarkiten@piefed.socialEnglish
    151·
    4 days ago

    In Finnish we have a phrase “ei kurjuutta kummempaa” which is said in a happy, jolly way and its usually accepted as “not great but I don’t want to expand on it.” It translates to “nothing worse than misery.”

      • HuudaHarkiten@piefed.socialEnglish
        31·
        4 days ago

        Thats why I like it so much :) Too bad theres no “good” equivalent in English and the chirpy way of saying it doesn’t carry over text.

    • BougieBirdie@piefed.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      1·
      4 days ago

      “Not great but I don’t want to expand on it” is pretty much exactly the kind of response I’m looking for

      Thank you for teaching me some new words

      • HuudaHarkiten@piefed.socialEnglish
        31·
        4 days ago

        Thank you for teaching me some new words

        I’m sure you’ll find it very useful. A whopping 0,06% of the worlds population speaks finnish lol

  • Havatra@lemmy.zipEnglish
    17·
    4 days ago

    I find this question quite fascinating: Culturally, there are countries where this gets asked indeed as a form of greeting, not a genuine question.

    In Slavic countries, I feel like if you get asked this question, it’s generally considered to be of genuine interest, and you’ll get a genuine reply. Nothing offensive or informal about saying “Things are bad.” or “I feel bad.”, or any variant of such.

    This might be my perception however, and feel free to correct me. I myself think that if someone asks how I’m doing, I have no need or responsibility to “remain positive/pleasant”.

    • njordomir@lemmy.world
      3·
      4 days ago

      I live in the US where it is just a greeting, but grew up in a different culture where it is almost always taken literally and isn’t something you ask a stranger. I tend to answer honestly because I want to normalize not being fake polite and I almost always have some bullshit to call out. If you can find something to complain about that other people also hate, it’s a great way to bond around how shitty the world can be. :D

    • BougieBirdie@piefed.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      5·
      4 days ago

      Around here it’s definitely more of a greeting. I wish it was more of a genuine interest because then I wouldn’t feel so weird about answering truthfully when things aren’t great.

      The context can make a big difference here. Friends and family are more likely to actually care. With coworkers and customers it’s often better to keep them at arms’ length because a negative response can get you labelled as not a team player, or receive customer complaints.

      Some days I worry I’ll be too candid with my employer and I’ll lose my job as a result. That one is probably my own biased perception, but shit, it’s happened before.

  • I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world
    5·
    3 days ago

    “Well enough” if you want to be genuine, but brief and convey that things are not aces.

    But usually just mirroring “How are you!” in the same tone as the first part of the greeting establishes that it is a ritual, not a question.

  • queerlilhayseed@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    22·
    4 days ago

    V1f6aCWPf7dACWO.gif

    Really though, it depends entirely on the person. With my partner I will try to give the most complete answer I can, with friends and coworkers it depends on how close our relationship is. With strangers it may be a completely perfunctory answer to a completely perfunctory question, especially if I’m not up for defending a non-perfunctory answer, but I like to keep my answers real when I have the spoons for it.