Long story short I don’t feel like I deserve romance in my life yet. I feel like I got nothing to offer. I have felt this way for most of my life. Even though I have developed plenty of hobbies (I dance, skateboard, climb, go to the gym, etc.) and social circles. On one hand I am happy with myself and on another I feel like I can’t offer the other party anything, romance wise.
Normally others would say ‘You’ll find someone dont’cha worry ‘bout notin’ ya’hear?’ But I am at a point now where I hope a woman will not develop feelings for me because I am afraid of disappointing her. And through the years this only been getting worse. I know this is not a good way of thinking but I just can’t shake it.
I want to (mentally) change but I just don’t know how. So if anyone has got some tips for me (really anything goes) that might help I would very much appreciate it.
Note: I don’t care if the process of learning self love is slow, I just want to know what the process involves.
Edit: I am reading some great suggestions. So thank you all for that. Just as a reminder, I am not expecting people on the internet to fix my problems. Just some general, rule of thumb, tips (and or tricks).
practice it.
you have to practice it to do it and get good at it. like anything in life. you can’t learn a language without sitting down and learning the words and the grammar and practicing it again and again until you star to memorize it.
you have a internalized belief that you need to change about yourself and the world. the only way to change it is to stop practicing that belief. as a person who was in terrible relationships for a long time… well I was under a lot of false beliefs that kept putting me in that situation and once I learned to stop thinking that everything was my fault/responsibility… it was a lot easier to stop it.
the other mistake you are apt to make, that mots of us do, is expecting results quickly. what you have to understand is this is a life-long process, you can’t just temporarily do it and expect it to stick. not anymore than you can go on a diet, lose weight, and go back to your pre-diet eating habits and expect to keep the weight off. you have to stay on the weight-loss diet the rest of your life. this is also true a therapy, a lot of people do therapy, and then go right back to their old self, and claim therapy didn’t work… for it to work it has to be a fundamental shift.