Give me something juicy

  • [deleted]@piefed.world
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    4 days ago

    I don’t understand femininity, and I perform it to the bare minimum standard, because if I don’t, I face extra exclusion, hostility and questioning.

    So the exact thing I said, which was observational and not judgemental.

    • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      4 days ago

      It was absolutely a judgement, because it’s an opinion you shared in a “what’s your controversial opinion” thread. if you didn’t carry judgement within your opinion, you wouldn’t be sharing it here.

      I will also highlight that you ignored pretty much the bulk of my post, where I expressly highlight my rejection of stereotypes, and my lack of understanding them, and their implicit lack of relationship with my identity, to focus on a single sentence that provided literally no detail to exclaim the veracity of your claim.

      You came in with an opinion that puts the onus for fixing the harm caused by gender stereotypes on trans people, despite trans people being less in a position to challenge that system than you are, whilst being more aggressively punished for challenging it than you are. You ignored the voices of trans people telling you about their experience and relationship, whilst never owning your own responsibility and involvement in the system.

      So no, you were not “observing”. You were judging and holding trans people to a higher standard than you hold yourself.

      • Canaconda@lemmy.ca
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        4 days ago

        Dude literally is saying that you, as a woman, shouldn’t have to conform to feminine stereotypes that you don’t intrinsically want to conform to.

        • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          4 days ago

          No, what he’s saying that being trans is “conforming to gender stereotypes” and that if we got rid of stereotypes, trans people would be able to express themselves how they want, without having to be trans.

          Which is to say, he’s suggesting that trans women are all trying to be feminine, and if there was a way for men to be feminine without societal push back, trans women wouldn’t need to exist. He doesn’t explicitly state the last bit, but that’s what he really means, and it’s why he considers his position controversial

          When I made a post going in to detail about the lack of relevance feminine gender stereotypes have to my day to day life, despite the fact that I’m transgender, he largely ignored it, despite that being the basis of his “opinion”

          • Canaconda@lemmy.ca
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            4 days ago

            Sounds like you care more about having the trans label than people actually being free to express themselves.

            • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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              4 days ago

              What I care about is people who aren’t trans, trying to erase trans people, by blaming them for the system that oppresses them, whilst letting themselves off the hook for propping up the same system.

              • Canaconda@lemmy.ca
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                4 days ago

                Totally understandable that you as a trans woman would need to be vigilant for transphobia. But you find what you look for and right now your transphobia alarm is giving you a false positive here.

                Cuz that is not what buddy said, at all.

                • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                  4 days ago

                  Go and re-read the post of the guy you’re defending.

                  His opening sentence was literally “Being mtf or ftm trans is conforming to gender stereotypes with extra steps”

                  He is quite openly saying that without gender stereotypes, trans people wouldn’t exist, and that trans people are really just folk who are too caught up in gender stereotypes. He continues to express that opinion even after trans people directly and openly talk about their identity and how it is distinct from stereotypes.

                  I’ve been having these discussions for a decade or more now. I know red flags, I know dog whistles, and I know why those things are problematic. And to be frank, you don’t.

                  • Canaconda@lemmy.ca
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                    4 days ago

                    Oh I can tell you’ve been looking for transphobia anywhere you can find it for a decade. It’s obvious.

                    You just keep confirming that you care more about having a label than about people being able to express their gender identity freely.

                    Believe it or not, you don’t speak for everyone who isn’t cis.

      • [deleted]@piefed.world
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        4 days ago

        You came in with an opinion that puts the onus for fixing the harm caused by gender stereotypes on trans people

        Oh, I see. You think that because I wrote two related sentences and put them next to each other that the only possible reading was that the subject of the first must be the only group that needs to abolish conforming to gender stereotypes.

        I meant what I said, they should be abolished and that would require everyone. I’m sure you won’t reconsider your first reading though, since you have clearly dug in your heels on replies to the other poster.