Ada

Believe it or not, you don’t speak for all everyone who isn’t’ cis.

The only person in this conversation trying to speak for all trans people is the person you’re defending

It’s telling that the only fault you see is in the voice of a trans person defending themselves, and not in the voice of the person saying that trans people don’t actually exist, they’re just people confused about stereotypes

Go and re-read the post of the guy you’re defending.

His opening sentence was literally “Being mtf or ftm trans is conforming to gender stereotypes with extra steps”

He is quite openly saying that without gender stereotypes, trans people wouldn’t exist, and that trans people are really just folk who are too caught up in gender stereotypes. He continues to express that opinion even after trans people directly and openly talk about their identity and how it is distinct from stereotypes.

I’ve been having these discussions for a decade or more now. I know red flags, I know dog whistles, and I know why those things are problematic. And to be frank, you don’t.

What I care about is people who aren’t trans, trying to erase trans people, by blaming them for the system that oppresses them, whilst letting themselves off the hook for propping up the same system.

No, what he’s saying that being trans is “conforming to gender stereotypes” and that if we got rid of stereotypes, trans people would be able to express themselves how they want, without having to be trans.

Which is to say, he’s suggesting that trans women are all trying to be feminine, and if there was a way for men to be feminine without societal push back, trans women wouldn’t need to exist. He doesn’t explicitly state the last bit, but that’s what he really means, and it’s why he considers his position controversial

When I made a post going in to detail about the lack of relevance feminine gender stereotypes have to my day to day life, despite the fact that I’m transgender, he largely ignored it, despite that being the basis of his “opinion”

It was absolutely a judgement, because it’s an opinion you shared in a “what’s your controversial opinion” thread. if you didn’t carry judgement within your opinion, you wouldn’t be sharing it here.

I will also highlight that you ignored pretty much the bulk of my post, where I expressly highlight my rejection of stereotypes, and my lack of understanding them, and their implicit lack of relationship with my identity, to focus on a single sentence that provided literally no detail to exclaim the veracity of your claim.

You came in with an opinion that puts the onus for fixing the harm caused by gender stereotypes on trans people, despite trans people being less in a position to challenge that system than you are, whilst being more aggressively punished for challenging it than you are. You ignored the voices of trans people telling you about their experience and relationship, whilst never owning your own responsibility and involvement in the system.

So no, you were not “observing”. You were judging and holding trans people to a higher standard than you hold yourself.

I’m trans. I’m a woman. I don’t have my ears pierced, I rarely wear makeup, I don’t do my nails, I haven’t shaved my legs in coming up on 2 years. I don’t understand femininity, and I perform it to the bare minimum standard, because if I don’t, I face extra exclusion, hostility and questioning.

What I’m trying to get at, is that I don’t really care about “expressing myself”. Abolishing gender stereotypes would absolutely make my life easier, and I guarantee I’m doing more to undo the power they hold over people than you ever will, whilst you sit there and judge trans people for upholding the system that punishes them far more than it will ever punish you.