I’m a healthy outdoorsy athletic woman, never touched drugs or alcohol or junk food, a lifestyle which is intentional & ESSENTIAL criteria I work hard for.

So WHY the only men who approach me with amorous intentions are unhealthy, cigarette, alcohol, junk food men??

Update: Thank you for your thoughtful responses & the humorous ones too. I upvoted my favorites & laughed at the funnies and you’ve given me plenty to think about & work on.

  • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1135·
    4 days ago

    Two reasons.

    I think /u/trem gives a reasonable statitical explaination. But it likely goes farther than that. The reality is, these days it is generally considered impolite to start a conversation with a stranger without pretense, and especially so to start a conversation with a woman with romantic intentions. The zeitgeist of our time is that women, by default, are not interested in men’s advances, and that making an advance on a woman for no reason other than her physical appearance (which is all you can know before approaching) is chauvinistic. Thus, almost all intelligent, pro-social men have been trained not to make advances on women they might be interested in in public. So who are you left with? The dumb, not-forward-thinking, idgaf crowd. The kind that spend every night at the bar, and then don’t care if anyone thinks they are a trashy peice of shit. And so that’s who approaches you.

    The second reason is probably something about the vibe you are giving off. Reading your post here, and a few of your other comments on lemmy, I get the impression that you are walking around with an expression like you have a smear of shit under your nose. Like, I get that you aren’t interested in these men - but the way you say it, you sound like a very judgemental person who believes she is better than everyone else because she doesn’t eat fast food or something. And the problem with this vibe you are giving off is that it is going to repel the guys you want to attract - healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice guys who want a healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice girl. Maybe they interact with you a bit and think “oh, she’s judgemental, I don’t want to date her.” Or maybe they simply see the default look on your face and say “hmm, she looks pissed - I bet she’d yell at me if I tried to talk to her.” The girls who get lots of attention from attractive guys are the ones with golden retriever energy - they love meeting everyone, which means the attractive guys feel less nervous about striking up a conversation and asking them out. It reassures them that, even if this girl isn’t interested, she will at least be nice about it.

      • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
        21·
        2 days ago

        Douchebags, obviously.

        No, really, it’s basically the same thing. Healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice guys with golden retriever energy will attract those girls. If you are having trouble, then your problem is either presentation, or substance, or both.

        Substance - are you actually a healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice guy with golden retriever energy? Like, do you exercise and eat healthy and sleep enough most days? Do you have lofty goals that you are working towards and that you are making significant progress on? Can you sit down and solve problems by thinking about them, or else do you have a witty sense of humor? Do you try to treat everyone with kindness, and help others when you can? Do you walk into social situations excited to see all your old friends with a huge smile on your face, and ready to get to know every stranger there with the expectation that they will eagerly give you head scratches? Because if not, the perscription is simple - go be that guy. Of course, you don’t have to be perfect - but as long as you are making progress in any of these things, you are going to be a more attractive date.

        Presentation - like… do you look good? I mean, I guess backing up, do you look at all - that is, are you even showing up to places where you can meet new people you might want to date? Because you can be the most dashing gentleman in the world, but it doesnt matter if you never leave the house. Even online dating, at some point, will require you to leave the house. Anyway - you don’t just need to be good, you need to look good. Groom yourself, express who you are by how you dress (make it good, not cringe), and then leave the house and say hello to people you’d like to date. Yeah, you have to say hello. Sexual dimorphic behavior is still alive and well on the dating scene, and this is your job - so nut up and start talking to pretty girls. Lots of women get turned on by the simple fact that a guy too the initiative to talk to them in the first place. Then, just move the conversation towards having a date. Done