I’m a healthy outdoorsy athletic woman, never touched drugs or alcohol or junk food, a lifestyle which is intentional & ESSENTIAL criteria I work hard for.

So WHY the only men who approach me with amorous intentions are unhealthy, cigarette, alcohol, junk food men??

Update: Thank you for your thoughtful responses & the humorous ones too. I upvoted my favorites & laughed at the funnies and you’ve given me plenty to think about & work on.

  • Delphia@lemmy.world
    12·
    23 hours ago

    In my experience most guys who work out, eat clean and get lots of exercise are super conscious of not being “That guy” at their gym, running spots or wherever they go to get their workout on. They also dont tend to have to do a lot of work to meet women outside of that environment. If a guy is handsome, employed and is generally polite and friendly available women will make the advance because as you have found, theres a lot of (even if they are very nice people) guys that well… arent.

    • JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.comOP
      1215·
      2 days ago

      Drugs cost money and make people addicted and act like idiots and ruin lives. Why would any intelligent person do that to themselves? Addiction runs in my family and it killed my dad & grandpa & cousin. No. I will not try drugs.

      • raldone01@lemmy.world
        5·
        20 hours ago

        For me the most frightening aspect of drugs is not being my true self and not being 100% in control. I see it all the times when friends do them. While it is funny for me to spend time with them in that state, I would never want to be in that state myself. I do imitate drunkness and lower inhibitions to fit into the environment. Nobody takes any issue with me being sober then.

      • IronBird@lemmy.world
        72·
        1 day ago

        addictions normally come from a lack of social support/means to support oneselves. it’s generally only when you’re specifically using the drugs as an escapism tool (even moreso, if used unconsciously as an escapist tool) that they land you with an “addiction”). they are otherwise just a cool thing to do every once and awhile because reality can’t dull now and then. (also, always test your shit…obviously)

        except coke and opoids, them shits is addictive.

  • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1115·
    3 days ago

    Two reasons.

    I think /u/trem gives a reasonable statitical explaination. But it likely goes farther than that. The reality is, these days it is generally considered impolite to start a conversation with a stranger without pretense, and especially so to start a conversation with a woman with romantic intentions. The zeitgeist of our time is that women, by default, are not interested in men’s advances, and that making an advance on a woman for no reason other than her physical appearance (which is all you can know before approaching) is chauvinistic. Thus, almost all intelligent, pro-social men have been trained not to make advances on women they might be interested in in public. So who are you left with? The dumb, not-forward-thinking, idgaf crowd. The kind that spend every night at the bar, and then don’t care if anyone thinks they are a trashy peice of shit. And so that’s who approaches you.

    The second reason is probably something about the vibe you are giving off. Reading your post here, and a few of your other comments on lemmy, I get the impression that you are walking around with an expression like you have a smear of shit under your nose. Like, I get that you aren’t interested in these men - but the way you say it, you sound like a very judgemental person who believes she is better than everyone else because she doesn’t eat fast food or something. And the problem with this vibe you are giving off is that it is going to repel the guys you want to attract - healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice guys who want a healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice girl. Maybe they interact with you a bit and think “oh, she’s judgemental, I don’t want to date her.” Or maybe they simply see the default look on your face and say “hmm, she looks pissed - I bet she’d yell at me if I tried to talk to her.” The girls who get lots of attention from attractive guys are the ones with golden retriever energy - they love meeting everyone, which means the attractive guys feel less nervous about striking up a conversation and asking them out. It reassures them that, even if this girl isn’t interested, she will at least be nice about it.

      • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
        21·
        20 hours ago

        Douchebags, obviously.

        No, really, it’s basically the same thing. Healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice guys with golden retriever energy will attract those girls. If you are having trouble, then your problem is either presentation, or substance, or both.

        Substance - are you actually a healthy, ambitious, intelligent, nice guy with golden retriever energy? Like, do you exercise and eat healthy and sleep enough most days? Do you have lofty goals that you are working towards and that you are making significant progress on? Can you sit down and solve problems by thinking about them, or else do you have a witty sense of humor? Do you try to treat everyone with kindness, and help others when you can? Do you walk into social situations excited to see all your old friends with a huge smile on your face, and ready to get to know every stranger there with the expectation that they will eagerly give you head scratches? Because if not, the perscription is simple - go be that guy. Of course, you don’t have to be perfect - but as long as you are making progress in any of these things, you are going to be a more attractive date.

        Presentation - like… do you look good? I mean, I guess backing up, do you look at all - that is, are you even showing up to places where you can meet new people you might want to date? Because you can be the most dashing gentleman in the world, but it doesnt matter if you never leave the house. Even online dating, at some point, will require you to leave the house. Anyway - you don’t just need to be good, you need to look good. Groom yourself, express who you are by how you dress (make it good, not cringe), and then leave the house and say hello to people you’d like to date. Yeah, you have to say hello. Sexual dimorphic behavior is still alive and well on the dating scene, and this is your job - so nut up and start talking to pretty girls. Lots of women get turned on by the simple fact that a guy too the initiative to talk to them in the first place. Then, just move the conversation towards having a date. Done

  • CombatWombat@feddit.onlineEnglish
    93·
    3 days ago

    I suspect what you’re finding is that the kind of men who make amorous advances aren’t the kind of men you’re interested in, and the kind of men you’re interested in don’t make amorous advances. Have you tried amorously approaching a man who you’re interested in?

  • LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works
    9·
    2 days ago

    Have you seen my cigs? I left them somewhere between the burger and the vodka bottle. And maybe you’ll find my weed while you are looking? Oh, by the way, can I have your number?

  • trem@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    95·
    3 days ago

    Not sure, if you’re actually looking for an explanation or rather just want to rant and/or hope for dating tips, but maybe still helpful to be aware of:

    Diagram of a normal distribution

    With your specific expectations, you’re somewhere to the far left or far right, whichever way you want to read it.
    For example, this graph could be applied to alcohol consumption, with 0 on the left and lots on the right. Then you’re on the far left.

    The Y-axis shows how many people exist in that range. There’s some median alcohol consumption, which is going to be in the center of this diagram, where most people are. At 0 alcohol consumption, there’s very few people, because it’s an extreme.

    Obviously, this simplifies a lot. In a real survey, there’s probably actually somewhat of a bump at 0 alcohol, because certain religions prohibit consumption.
    But yeah, in general, you’re hoping for relatively many extremes, so the number of people that match that are quite low. You will naturally get magnitudes more romantic interest from Average Joes, because there’s just magnitudes more of them.

    As somebody else already said, try to find groups that naturally attract folks from the extremes that you look for, like outdoor sports groups.
    Online dating, as problematic as it is, can also be rather good at finding very specific extremes.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
      3·
      20 hours ago

      This is the most likely explanation by far. You are looking for such a small subset of the available population, you are unlikely to hit on what you want by chance.

      You would need to either increase your tolerance in some direction (need fit & active, don’t mind some drinking, some junk food as long as they don’t care you don’t join in that).

      One other thought, I am a lady but if I met a guy who was TOO clean living, I’d worry how he was in bed, does he consider sex a vice too? Some of those guys are kinda crazy.

      Maybe ask your friends if they know anyone you might vibe with or try online dating apps.

  • disregardable@lemmy.zip
    29·
    3 days ago

    There are more of them that are single than healthy men. Finding your person takes time and effort, but it is worth it.