Long story short I don’t feel like I deserve romance in my life yet. I feel like I got nothing to offer. I have felt this way for most of my life. Even though I have developed plenty of hobbies (I dance, skateboard, climb, go to the gym, etc.) and social circles. On one hand I am happy with myself and on another I feel like I can’t offer the other party anything, romance wise.
Normally others would say ‘You’ll find someone dont’cha worry ‘bout notin’ ya’hear?’ But I am at a point now where I hope a woman will not develop feelings for me because I am afraid of disappointing her. And through the years this only been getting worse. I know this is not a good way of thinking but I just can’t shake it.
I want to (mentally) change but I just don’t know how. So if anyone has got some tips for me (really anything goes) that might help I would very much appreciate it.
Note: I don’t care if the process of learning self love is slow, I just want to know what the process involves.
Edit: I am reading some great suggestions. So thank you all for that. Just as a reminder, I am not expecting people on the internet to fix my problems. Just some general, rule of thumb, tips (and or tricks).
If you are physically and socially active, but still don’t feel self-value and have tried the standard things (e.g. taking a break, eating well etc) then maybe therapy is the best option?
This maybe a stupid question, but what sort of therapy?
Because I have been in therapy before. (CBT)
Not OP, but I know a few things about this. It might be less about the specific method, and more relevant to find a therapist that you connect with. But if CBT was not your jam, I would suggest a therapist who works with existentialist or a more psycho dynamic approach, like ISTDP.
How well did it work?
They gave me some insights but it just never went anywhere. That’s probably on me, but there just wasn’t any progression. I just better understood why I may feel this way but not how to make it better.
My round of CBT gave me specific tools to use in particular situations which immensely helped me. I wonder about how complete yours was if you didn’t get more than “insights”.
That said for me, CBT was a necessary first step, but I needed other types to unwind and address some of my influences. I actually benefited most from somatic therapy personally
Generally the goal is to start rewriting patterns of thought once you identify them, by sorting out the ones you don’t fully believe. Maybe you just quit too soon?
The thing is, there’s only so much we can do over the internet with the information you’ve given. I have no idea why you think you’re an unworthy romantic partner, or how reasonable those ideas are.
Yeah, you’re totally right. And that’s why I asked what the general steps are for improving your self-image. I am really not expecting a full grade psychological examination. Just some general rule of thumps.
It seems like “your feelings usually/always come from your thoughts” would count as a tip. You’ve done CBT so it’s apparently not a new one, though.
Maybe someone else has had luck with something less direct, I don’t know. Best of luck.