President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday afternoon to change the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America,” his latest escalation as he engages in a tense trade war with Canada.
“‘Lake of America’ was something I’ve been thinking about for a long time,” Trump said from the Oval Office. “We have a gulf and we have a lake. Now, all we need is an ocean. So, maybe we’ll have to change the name of the Atlantic and/or the Pacific. Maybe we’ll change them both.”
Surrounded by large maps of the Great Lakes, Trump said the name change was “effective immediately,” and that his staff had “filed all the necessary papers, documents, everything else.” A White House aide claimed the lake “has most of its volume in the United States” and that the “deepest parts” are in US territory.
You all laugh, but think for a moment about the poor cattle rancher currently sitting on the toilet with his lettuce diarrhea, worried about the pending foreclosure of all he has and when the ivermectin is finally going to kick in for little Billy Jr’s case of measles.
But then upon his porcelain throne he sees his dear leader with the courage and genius to redraw the name of the lake he didn’t remember existed from its communist foreign name to a name he knows and can remember, because it’s the name of where he lives and also two of his daughters.
And finally, for the first time since Obama’s shadow government made him wear a mask in 2020 for the hoax pandemic that doctors claimed killed his elderly parents but everyone knew was just a flu and also engineered by Fauci for maximum damage — he knows.
He knows it’s going to be okay.
That when Billy Jr beats this made-up measles thing and little America One and America Too and the whole family loses the ranch, that they can go to the Lake that is now their heritage by the only name they need to learn it.
And then he’ll float, staring up into the heavens, finally at peace secure in the knowledge that at long last the greatest President since Jesus is cradling his heart and interests in his diminutive bruised hands, exhausted from all the renaming of water.
I enjoyed reading this, bravo👏
I laughed so hard the first time I read this through I missed the whole last paragraph.
Why can’t I find an obvious way to follow you and everything you post
Was explaining the propaganda of that Great to be an American song to my son. He never heard it so pulled up the music video. I had never seen it just heard the song. But the video was just that. The man singing how great America is even has he is losing everything and becoming homeless. Pretty fuck up.
hey, that’s what they call me! Except they don’t call me pretty.
Every time that song comes up I like to point out that they guy who wrote it, Lee Greenwood, is a complete hack that has never done anything else noteworthy and has been living off the royalties ever since. He even re-wrote the lyrics, badly, to make a Canadian version to try and squeeze more cash out of that cow of a song.