01:15 (AM that is, but using 24 hour time format doesn’t need AM/PM) here… zero sleep, listening to a bunch of depression music… :/

Living with family (family of origin, that is) but half of my family members are away… especialy mom…

You only learn to appreciate someone¹ once they’re gone… this time for 30 days… one day its gonna be forever… 🥺 (¹mom that is, Idk how to feel about older brother, still haven’t fixed the broken relationship since those series of fights about 7-9 years ago… )

Mom’s so busy with my brother’s marriage plans, haven’t have much time to talk to me. Idk what to even say on the phone… I just wanna hear her voice… I kinda have a panic attach if i don’t hear her voice or if she takes too long to respond…

I’m just feeling very suicidal rn

  • Wataba@sh.itjust.works
    1·
    14 hours ago

    I think I’m on the verge of having to find a new job, when I really like where Im at now, but can’t keep up a sustainable income from what I’m given anymore.

    $4500 in debt too. Im feeling increasingly isolated again, and dont even have a vague confidant i can go to for a personal chat.

    I thought getting a cat would stave off the anxiety, but I think its just introduced more, and doubled down on proving how financially irresponsible I am.

    Im starting to feel like there’s no way up anymore. So all I do is use the internet as my Dorian Gray painting to pour all the bad mojo aandmisery onto. I dont even find satisfaction or joy in writing fanfic anymore.

    So yeah, misery vibes all around as the world slowly collapses on itself, and I feel like I’m on the prevailing winds of that.

    • 「黃家駒 Wong Ka Kui」@piefed.caOPEnglish
      1·
      13 hours ago

      $4500 in debt?

      Now I kind a feel guilty…

      Cant go in details, but basically: My parents owns the current house I live in, and they have small bussiness/investments and like has like a “small fortune¹” of assets… (¹not sure if I’m using that word right, I’ve been immersed in the English-language world since I was 8 but still feel like I don’t know how some wording/phrasing work lol)

      Technically not mine stuff (not at the moment at least) but still… they’re still financially supporting me cuz I’m just depressed af and have no independence and suvival skills.

      Sorry about your situation…