01:15 (AM that is, but using 24 hour time format doesn’t need AM/PM) here… zero sleep, listening to a bunch of depression music… :/

Living with family (family of origin, that is) but half of my family members are away… especialy mom…

You only learn to appreciate someone¹ once they’re gone… this time for 30 days… one day its gonna be forever… 🥺 (¹mom that is, Idk how to feel about older brother, still haven’t fixed the broken relationship since those series of fights about 7-9 years ago… )

Mom’s so busy with my brother’s marriage plans, haven’t have much time to talk to me. Idk what to even say on the phone… I just wanna hear her voice… I kinda have a panic attach if i don’t hear her voice or if she takes too long to respond…

I’m just feeling very suicidal rn

  • printf("%s", name);@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    11·
    3 days ago

    You mean like the breakdown I had yesterday and I thought that it’s time to end it once and for all because of how miserable and worthless I am? Nah, not been there, not done that. /j

    Somehow I’m still here, on the bus, on my way to work.

    After I finish the few hours of work that my doctor allows me to do, I guess I’m looking forward to sitting down at the local library to do some hobby programming. I’m also looking forward to see some of my colleagues. Not all of them.

    If you would have to say at least one thing that you could look forward to today/tomorrow, what would it be?

    • eta@feddit.orgEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      Are you programming a specific project or learning a new language?

      • printf("%s", name);@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        5·
        2 days ago

        Learning my first ever language, C. The goal is to get a better understanding of how machines interpret human readable code and for me to be able to read and understand it. As of now, I’m not trying to develope anything in particular, although down the road, it would be a fun experiment to try to write as many of my computer and smartphone applications and environments as possible. Just to see how self sustaining one can become. 😊