Don’t give me ‘get off of social media’. I want practical tips that can be used when talking to random people in public places.
Don’t give me ‘get off of social media’. I want practical tips that can be used when talking to random people in public places.
Learn how to be honestly invested into people you talk with:
For kids I usually go with what is your favorite school subject? Why? What is the best part? Why?.. For grownups ask about their hobbies. Why do they like them? What is the best part?
This is the single most important advice. This is about them not you. And it forms deeper connections.
Extra: Simple smile can really make a strangers day.
That is super important and hard to master, at least for me. I’m usually happy to hear whatever they’re telling me and I will probably remember it for a very long time but if I have to ask… it is like a blank page paralysis.
It helps having a list of predefined general questions memorized. Like: What are your hobbies? What do you like about them? Why?
You can skip the first few questions if you already know the answers. Like going straight to: "What is your favorite thing about football? Why? You have to train a bit to continue from there. To continue comming up with questions. Like: “Do you just like to watch football or do you also play it?”
But the hardest part is actually to start and ask first few questions.
How you start is not that important. Just that you do. For example you can start with: “Who is your favourite super hero? Why? What super powers would you chose for yourself? Why? Why not the…?”
Do not forget abot “why” follow up. Or they will often close conversation with a short answer.
Conversation can then continue in any direction. Do not force it in a direction you want it to go.
This is absolutely right. To add to this, find a level at which they’re comfortable talking about themselves (i.e. don’t get TOO personal right off the start). It’ Ok to start off on some trivial small-talk, then moving up to their opinion about something, then more in-depth about why they have that opinion. Keep an eye on whether they’re starting to feel uncomfortable and back off if needed.
I had a friend who was excellent at this. I’m a loner by nature but I learned a lot by watching them just talking to people. They weren’t talking to them to get anything, they just enjoyed talking to people. That’s a great attitude to have.
This is some really good advice. People can learn more about some of these ideas by searching for conversational threading.