Long story short. Friend with history is body and mental issues (mainly depression). I moved to a different country, so we talked less. For the past two year things went very one sided. I would text her and get reply much later. Never able to meet when I was in town.
Then, nothing. No answers at all. Text or calls. Friends tell me similar story. I keep texting sporadically, sometimes calling. After months I get a response. She’s crying and saying shes sorry for not replying, that’s she’s not well in general and needs time. Problems with work, relationships, family and some tragedies all in short time.
That was months ago. Part of me thinks to give space, but another is worried because she’s avoiding our common friends too. The only way to reach to her or even know how she is would be through her family, which is very intrusive.
Any advice?
Edit: fixed “In moved to a different country” to “I moved to a different country” as somebody misunderstood due to the typo
Speaking as someone with recurrent severe depression, my closest friends are the ones who harass me with their love. That said, I would never want someone to try to reach me through my family. Her situation might be different.
Depression is very isolating, it can make you feel unworthy of being around people because you can’t be fun, and you get anxious about making “mistakes.”
My favorite people are the ones who randomly show up, drag me out, ask me for help with something (introvert cheat code,) and buy me games without asking so we can play together.
If she’s an adult, she’s capable of telling someone to back off if it’s too much.
I think you can reach out via txt, just format your message to subtly acknowledge that a response is unnecessary. So, instead of wording your message normally as something that would begin a back-and-forth, word it more like an old fashioned letter, or something else where a response isn’t expected. Can talk about whatever, updates on you, your thoughts about this or that, hopes she/her family are doing better, etc etc. Then just end with an old sounding “hope this finds you well” type of thing. Just avoid non-rhetorical questions or anything that pressures her to return contact. When she’s ready, she can write you back.
Speaking as one of those “I self isolated and stop responding to friends” folks years later:
Definitely reach out. Emphasize not to worry about the ghosting; I guarantee she’s literally worried sick over it. Do it, even if you have to do it through family. They’ll all be glad.
From my n=1 data:
The self-isolation could come from not being able to be there for you as well and feeling unworthy of your friendship because of that.
Express your love, indicate there is expectation of quid pro quo, just say your heart and door are always open.