The older I get, the more I realise I am susceptible to moral injury. I can’t do evil work without destroying myself. And I don’t mean morally as in I feel a little guilty - I get increased stress, more depressed etc.

But unfortunately, I need to keep a roof over my head and stay fed.

Went sober.

For me it was a small change. I was having a drink here and there, maximum 3 beers a night. I just found that it made me feel like shit the next morning even after having one, and I no longer enjoyed the feeling of even a mild buzz. There was also a huge relief at not having to figure out which situation to drink in or not. Do I have a drink at this birthday party? After a hard day? While barbecuing? If I am just sober the answer is always no, so it eliminates one choice.

It’s really common for men not to bond with kids for a while. Could be 3 months, could be 18 months, eventually the bond happens and it’s becomes an amazing experience. Shame we don’t talk about it, because living in the dark makes it so much worse to go through. For me it was when the little larva started to smile at me. It clicked then.

Traumatised and avoidant.

Wow you’re the exact opposite of my experience of middle management! Which is: never discuss salary, don’t encourage certification or training, do not explain how you got there, do not give employees a roadmap, just pile on the work and stoke fear.

From personal experience going from skinny enough that people commented on it regularly to normal size:

The insecurity does not go away if you get in shape. You will feel confident a lot of the time and then the slightest emotional breeze will knock over your confidence. “The day you start going to the gym is the day you start being small forever.”

You can work on your body image while your body is still not “ideal”. If you wait til you look good, you’ll be hot but still have body dysmorphia. Love what parts of your body you can love. Appreciate what your body can do. If you can walk up & down the stairs, be happy you can do that. Go to therapy.

1-3 cups of coffee per day. I try to keep it low, with little success.