I had someone tell it to me straight - that the reason I was getting side-eyes and laughter behind my back and why girls wanted nothing to do with me was because I was an awkward dweeb.
At first it kind of hurt my feelings, but it kind of woke me up to the reality of the situation and I began to not only notice how other people saw me, but I started examining myself and my own actions in a more critical light.
Most of the time it was me behaving inappropriately in the given situation. Everyone else walking to their next class? There’s me Naruto running down the hall. You get the idea.
I had to learn to identify the behaviors that people were critical of or found off-putting, and learn the appropriate behavior to emulate. Eventually, after I learned the correct response to any particular social situation, it was less about knowledge and more about confidence. I was lucky to make some well-adjusted and confident friends in high school who helped me learn what it was all about. I didn’t fret about talking to random people anymore, I could carry on a normal conversation for at least five minutes, I developed “normal” hobbies and interests (but crucially I kept my old ones as well, they were just not the first things I would lead with when talking to people), and in general I just mellowed out a little and developed the skill to be able to read a room and know how to deal with certain people.
tl;dr - someone talked to me and told me I was an awkward kid, but they also did their best to help me identify and fix the things that made me weird and unlikable.
Not really, although I can see how what I wrote might come off as that.
Learning how to interact socially with other people isn’t masking. It’s a practiced skill just like anything else. For some people, it comes quite naturally. For others, like myself, it was challenging. I’m happier now because I fit in better with others socially.
I do not believe in the idea that aspects of one’s personality are immutable and unchangeable. I think that most people would look back on themselves as a young adult and see an entirely different person that who they are now. The same is true for me.